What's the truth?

A lot of people ask me "सच क्या है"?

My first memory of fun goes back to the early 90s - weight balancing on a seesaw. Its interesting that both 'going up' and 'coming down' gave me thrill and I wanted to go faster each time. There was a similar appeal while taking a swing and I would ask my friends to push as hard as they could. There was then an inquisitive stage in life where I wanted to know about everything - how did cars work, aeroplanes, universe, how were babies born, etc. I was interested because I was still exploring. I grew up and started going to high school and that's when I began chasing my friend's dream or my parent's dream or probably my neighbor's dream. Nothing around me had changed and no one was forcing or feeding things. I now realize that the change happened because I was done exploring around myself and felt comfortable in that shell. I did not feel like venturing out for 2 reasons, 1) I feared the unknown ; 2) I had lost the drive.

In this process, I changed the definition of fun for stage #2 - It was now called 'doing nothing'. I followed the crowd blindly and went to college. During college, I did not apply thought to any of my actions. I was deriving fun by following others and in the process I lost my confidence. I was so lost in my own reverie that I would spend 10 hours in front of a book and not flip a single page. The biggest concern however was that there were no thoughts. My brain had actually stopped thinking and working. It had gotten accustomed to the sleep mode.

This continued into the next stage of my life - professional life. It was my new found slavery and I was now being forced to do something. I did not have the thought process to analyze what I was doing. The fact that my sleep was being disturbed was irritating. I started looking outside the professional arena and was back to exploring. I wanted to go to a new place, meet new people and just get away from the routine. I was instantly able to connect and started deriving fun from my old source. The catch however was, that I was no more free to explore at will. During stage #2 in life, I had build around myself a huge chain of constraints which were not so easy to let go off. I was beginning to feel miserable.

The reason I am not ending the story is that I haven't seen the dream beyond this point and well the 'I' here represents most people I have come across in life. There is no right or wrong. This is just my version of truth as I see it.